TEST DRIVE #10 - Cetacean Pool and Ten Forward

[tenforward_m]

#1

Option 001. Cetacean Pool/Aquatics Lab: Of all the places in the world, you open your eyes and you find yourself in a medium-sized aquatics laboratory, filled with various living specimens along with various science officers bustling about trying to maintain order. There's much to explore here (and hopefully, in the crew's opinion, not break), but the main attraction is the large pool at the far end of the lab; enormous but tanklike in appearance, it contains several dolphins happily swimming about, seemingly without a care in the world.


2

Option 002. Aboard the Enterprise, Ten Forward: You have no idea what just happened. One minute you were home, and now you're on a spaceship, in the middle of a crowded room. It looks like a bar. There are people eating and drinking, some in uniform, others not. Some are clearly aliens.

You've managed to land in Ten Forward a long bar with barstools and a bartender, tables sprinkled throughout, and the far wall is nothing but windows out to space. It looks like a nice lounge, low conversation making the room hum.

Better ask some questions and find out where you are, or just tap the closest person on the shoulder and try to make friends. The bar is open.

Comments

[arnold_j_rimmer]

"Are you sure they're not Psirens? They're probably Psirens. I mean, look at how abnormally attractive all these people in pajamas are. The crew of the Red Dwarf didn't look like this. They were all mashed oats and boiled ham, whereas these people are more like lean venison."

Although the attractive people were both men and women, and why Psirens would do that...no, he's not going to think about it. Maybe they're not Psirens after all.

[smeg_off]

"We'll see when one of them takes it upon themselves to seduce you. Obviously they're some sort of space monster or else greatly disoriented and incapable of functioning properly.

"Otherwise we're attracted to the same sort of people that look exactly the same way and that bloke over there with the scales just isn't doin' it for me."

But Rimmer was right, and if these women were real women and really that attractive and not out of some full immersion video game or secretly some sort of G.E.L.F. he was gonna get some. Maybe not right now because he had some minimal sense of priority, regrettably about the same size as Rimmer's, but he would and it would be real and it would be amazing.

"...I think it's a bloke."

[arnold_j_rimmer]

"You're the one who's always snogging the slimiest, ugliest space monsters that cross our path. Scent pheromones, that's probably what it is. One whiff of your socks and they assume that only a creature as slimy and ugly as they are could possibly produce that stench."

Rimmer looked to the fellow with scales and twisted his mouth downward.

"He looks like he's got some horrible skin disease. I think I'll stick with the good looking ones. And if they aren't Psirens or a hallucination or psychotic androids or serial killers in pajamas...I call dibs on the blonde in the corner."

[smeg_off]

"Rimmer, you can't call dibs on a woman. It's not how it works. You gotta start treatin' 'em with respect. Even if they occasionally turn out to be irresistible monsters in disguise. Ya didn't see them Rimmer. You don't know what it's like!" He leans heavily against Rimmer's side with his shoulder, staring despairingly.

"I hope this is all real."

Then, without moving away from his brooding lean, he stared earnestly out the window. "I don't know how I got here, though. One minute I'm on Starbug hopin' to find something better to drink than Kryten's prize loo Chardonnay and suddenly I'm whisked away to a fancy space bar on a fancy ship staffed by very casually dressed crew.

"What's goin' on?"

Sure. Now he got around to asking about that. Sense of wonder indeed. What would he give for Holl right then. He didn't know about the Q yet, of course. The Q probably even made Rimmer think he was coming on a rescue mission just to suit his own sense of humour.

[rikered]

Riker's been standing listening to this conversation with a great deal of amusement, and he almost makes a move when he thinks they are calling him a woman. Apparently in some universe the women wore beards. He swiftly realised they are not talking about him and he could almost be called a little disappointed, he might have had some brief fun with that one.

"You can try and call dibs on a woman, but I am warning you they bite." He strolls towards the pair of them. "We are as real as the two of you are. I am Commander William Riker, First Officer of the Starship Enterprise, the ship you are currently visiting." Visiting is a pretty broad term for it, but he's being diplomatic about it. "Your visit may be a pretty long one, we don't have the means to send you home just yet."

[smeg_off]

"Beggin' your pardon sir. In his case they're more likely to run rather than get their mouth on 'im." He turned around, ready to share their problem with the man that seemed to have a decent amount of displayed buttons.

But he seemed to already know about it, and Lister's brow tensed up, round nose wrinkling in confusion. "Say what? Smegging hell. Admittedly this isn't the first time something of this sort has happened to us, but-"

[arnold_j_rimmer]

Rimmer saw the many buttons on the stranger's collar. Going on Lister's guess that this meant the man was a high ranking officer, Rimmer circled his wrist, then his elbow, then snapped his hand right next to the "H" on his forehead in a sharp Space Corps salute. As far as Rimmer was concerned, it was never too early to start brown-nosing the people in charge.

"Second Technician Rimmer, sir. And Acting Captain of the mining ship Red Dwarf," he added. Even though he was only Acting Captain because, as Lister was the only other crew member on Red Dwarf, he, Rimmer, was technically the highest ranking person left. But Rimmer would take what he could get.

"And might I say that you have a lovely beard, sir. Just splendid. Very authoritative." He raised the hand that wasn't saluting in a tight fist to emphasize the authoritative part.

[smeg_off]

"I think he called dibs on you, too," he informed Riker after Rimmer's very artfully articulated compliment there.

"So, if you don't mind the request, can you provide some sort of evidence that you're not some chimera organism attemptin' to keep us as pets or wax androids playin' out a program or part of a realistic holographic simulation to test our ingenuity. No offence intended, but I'd rather not be runnin' for me life in two seconds."

Again.

[arnold_j_rimmer]

Rimmer dropped his salute but remained at attention as he rebuffed Lister from the side of his mouth.

"There's nothing wrong with giving a superior a bit of respect. You should try it sometime, puff-cheeks."

And if the man wasn't an officer, but rather a cannibal mutant with a chameleon field, then maybe if Rimmer was polite then at least they'd cook him last, which would give him extra time to run away.

"But you are an officer, right, and not a cannibal mutant with a chameleon field, or the creation of a psychic planet that's bringing Lister's subconscious to life?" Although he couldn't imagine that Lister's subconscious was anywhere near as clean as this.

[rikered]

"At ease men," Riker says, looking between the two men with amusement, they have a very interesting relationship. "We don't like keeping people as pets, or keeping them for food. We are a peaceful ship, our purpose is to explore the galaxy. One of our...discoveries has brought people in from different universes." He's carrying a spare PADD, ready to hand over to newcomers and he passes it over.

"Of course it could all be an elaborate lie, and my beard is the only real thing about me. But I hope you'll trust the information you find on this."

[smeg_off]

"Let's hope you're not real and the beard means you're the evil version of yourself from an alternate reality." He took the PADD to look at it, not entirely joking. "Happened to me one time... Me and Rimmer here come from a very complicated set of circumstances but it seems you're quite used to it."

[arnold_j_rimmer]

Rimmer peered over Lister's shoulder to read the PADD. The man was practically a midget as far as Rimmer was concerned--miniature Scouser, the world's worst collectible, curry and lager not included--so it was conveniently easy to do.

"Don't be daft, Lister. Just because your alternate evil self had a beard, doesn't mean all alternate evil selves have beards. Mine didn't."

[smeg_off]

"It was a joke, Rimmer. If I wanted to make it funnier I could bring up what you were wearin'." His brows go up as he pokes at things on the PADD, slowly registering that the name of the ship is 'Enterprise'.

And that meant that it was probably-

No way.

He turned away with the PADD, trying to find James T Kirk. Were these wax droids? No, this seemed like it was 100% the real deal.

[arnold_j_rimmer]

"Don't you dare! You are not going to ruin the good first impression that I'm making here by telling him that a version of me favours corsets and silk stockings." He assumed he was making a good first impression. He saluted perfectly, complemented the man's beard, what else could a person expect? He was doing everything short of trying out the hypnotic stare that he usually reserved for attempting (unsuccessfully) to pick up women.

He was so set on that good first impression that he only belated realizes that he just said the thing he didn't want Lister to say. Smeg. Moving on quickly.

"So, what does it take to become an officer on this ship, sir?"